Crab Apple Cooler/Transcript
Emma Leroy: Hey Lacey, you wanna go to the bar later? Lacey Burrows: Ugh, all we ever do at the bar is sit and watch TV. On a good night, there's nuts. Oscar Leroy: You got a better idea? Lacey: Well, back in Toronto we used to have games night all the time. We could do something like that. Karen Pelly: What, fly you back to Toronto so you could play games with your friends? Lacey: Oh, that would be awesome. But no, I mean, we could have a games night here. We could play euchre. Oscar: Euchre? I hardly know her. Lacey: Or Twister. Oscar: Twister? I just met her. Lacey: Or maybe we can just play charades. Oscar: Charades? I hate charades. Emma: Charades it is. Lacey: Good thing I didn't say poker. Wanda Dollard: Look at this. Davis Quinton: Potato chips? Wanda: Potato craps. Soggy, stale potato craps. Davis: Ooo, nothing worse than stale chips. Although I did break my leg once, that was painful. Wanda: Yeah, but you didn't pay a buck 75 for a broken leg. I'm sick of getting screwed by the man. In this case, the potato chip man. So, I am writing a scathing letter. Davis: Well, if you can just ring me up I'll get out of your hair. Wanda: Who do they think, they think they can just treat me like dirt? They think they can just ignore the needs of their customers? Davis: Where do I write to complain about the service here? Brent Leroy: Hey, look. Old man Hafford's crab apple tree. A lot of good memories by that tree. Young Brent: See ya, Hank. Hank: That was the summer you realized you could fly. Brent: Ah, I can't fly. Hank: What? Well then, who was that kid? Brent: I'm gonna guess you were thinking about Superboy. Superman when he was a boy. Hank: Right, yeah. Brent: Honest mistake. No, I meant we used to sneak in there and steal the crab apples and then go down and throw them at the trains. Hank: Oh yeah. Hey, we should do that again, for old times sake. Brent: OK, let's do it. On the count of three, 1, 2 3! Oh, my groin! Hank: Oh, I hit my knee! Lacey: Hey guys. Brent: Hey Lacey. Lacey: You pull your groin? Brent: Yep. Wanda: And finished. I'll just send that off. Chew on that, Crispy Spuds. Davis: Maybe I should write to Zoinks Cola. Wanda: Yeah, you should write to those jerks and let them know you're not going to put up with their...what's your beef with Zoinks Cola? Davis: Well, their cans have these wee, small tabs and my thumb always hurts after I open them. Wanda: "Opening your cans is like opening a grenade full of razor blades." Davis: What are you doing? Wanda: Writing your letter. Davis: No, no, no, no, don't get them mad at me. Wanda: No, you're mad at them and as your friend, well, similarly enraged consumer, it's my duty to hold them accountable. Davis: I just don't want to come off too strong. Maybe sign it "Respectfully yours, Davis Quinton." Wanda: "And may you all roast in hell. Respectfully yours, Davis Quinton." Karen: OK, let's pick teams. Emma: All right, why don't you two go together? Lacey: Karen and I? Emma: No, you and Oscar. Lacey: Why don't you go with Oscar, you're married to him. Emma: That's exactly why I don't want to go with him. Oscar: What's wrong with me? Karen: Come on, we're here to have fun. Let's draw straws. Whoever draws the short straw gets stuck with Oscar. Oscar: Stuck? Lacey: Oh, we don't mean stuck. We mean end up with. You gonna pick that one? Best two out of three? Oscar: How come I don't get a breadstick? Hank: I don't know, maybe we're getting a little old for jumping fences. Brent: Hank: Brent: Hank: Brent: Hank: Brent: Category:Transcripts